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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ashley's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008
8:08 am
when you love somebody and bite your tongue all you get is a mouthfull of blood
i'm sick. the last of many to get sick. i guess i had it coming being surrounded by so many ill- i was really asking for it going over to chris's w/both him & tim sick. ahhhh well. todays a good day to feel under the weather cuz it should start rainign soon so i'd have had to come home from work anyway.

the last few days have been reading magazines but meaning to indulge in more books, lots of coffee, a scratchy throat, altering skirts, paying bills, organizing 2007, making cinnamon rolls, & AJ coming over for pizza.

i really miss eric (eric, if you're reading this- hint hint)
Friday, March 28th, 2008
10:26 pm
i'm here. i won't move.
in accomplishing so many goals with my riding & pursuing so many things w/my "career" i must not forget to nod to those things i love: reading, music, shows, friends, especially friends, art, cooking, michael.

i had fun not only going to the ghostie show the other night, but goind INSIDE to watch as well. & i had fun seeing chris & tim earlier tonight. looking forward to run with the hunted riding horses tomorrow & the show thats going to follow.

westboro church is fucked and my coffee break muffins are amazing.
Monday, January 28th, 2008
9:22 am
traffic lights turn yellow
we've had lots of rain here, & as a result, i've had lots of days off. The last full day i worked was wednesday & i worked a 1/2 day on Saturday. so what's that? like 4 1/2 days off. I'm LOVING it. It's kind of bad how much i'm enjoying not working. I worry i could easily fall into a downward spiral. Haha well maybe not that extreme but i'm definately glad everytime i wake up to rain.

So the past few days have been all about rediscovering. I found both my kevin devine & pete yorn CDs & have been listening to those. Listened to rainer maria last night which was more michael's doing than mine but i think i got more out of it. Hung out w/chris on Sat night- went down to SJC, had some great conversation, watched a documentary, made a snapple run. Rediscovered how much i love cups of tea. Chris updated me on all our old friends & their new band projects.....by the way, i can't stop listening to that damn pop punk single from greg.

So it's been a great few days. other than being reminded of all the things i used to love & wondering why i ever stopped some of them, i've also gone shopping at south coast, been running loads at the gym, read from 2 books, decided to become a conspiracy theorist but gave up 2days later because i realised it's way too frustrating, cleaned out my closet, hung out w/my sister, took Vincent to the dog park, & have spent lots of time w/my lovely michael.
Sunday, January 6th, 2008
11:55 am
a dreaded sunny day
actually, it's raining.

i've been pretty stressed lately. My parents getting a divorce is a great thing, but it puts a bigger financial burden on michael & i. Plus, 2 of my 3 horses are out of commission @ the moment. Dutch has a hurt eye that will be temporarily blind for about a month & Dream randomly went lame on her right front. So i'm now a riding instructor w/no horses to instruct on. Ha. well i was just complaining that lessons to kids was my least favourite part of my job right? Guess i got what i inadvertantly wished for: only lessons to people w/their own horses & riding. Not so bad except it happened @ a time when i was hoping to make MORE money. That's the way it always works out i guess.

So Michael & i are pretty seriously discussing moving into the warehouse. It's pretty much a definate thing that we've already started making steps towards, just gonna wait till my parents' divorce is a little further along before we take the final plunge. So the loft will still be the webstore on 1/2 of it but the other 1/2 will be our closet. the bed's already up there but we're gonna turn it around to make more room. We looked up electric stoves for the kitchen area. Pantry & fridge already here, as well as toaster & microwave. The only problem will be the lack of tables once the oven's added but we're thinking TV trays to set up while we're cooking & store when we're not. Or we could use the press pallets, haha. Couch, TV, coffee table, bathroom already here. Laundry @ my sister's or a laundry mat. Vincent's bed under the coffee table. Records in the darkroom. Bookshelves along the wall. Artwork hung up. Are we missing anything??? It seems pretty do-able & sitting in our room yesterday i noticed that our entire room is about as big as just the sitting area in the warehouse & we don't have much stuff. nNither mike nor i are hoarders. Should be fun. we'll see. Could be disastorous.
Thursday, December 27th, 2007
12:38 pm
there will be no supporting anyone in my house
for those of you that can't keep up w/mike & i - there u go. now quit your griping.

I'm finding i dislike my job. No, that's not fair. I like my job but certain aspects of it are less fun than others. I like riding the horses: working w/them, watching them improve, I like giving lessons to people that own their own horses or that @ least have a desire to ride dressage specifically. I'm just full on kids. No more kids. I hate that i spend a few hours of everyday giving glamourized pony rides so i'm not gonna do it anymore. I've officially started turning down people that want lessons for their children. I'll keep the ones i have but i'm not adding more. Too many people have told me i'm wasting my talent & i don't care if it's conceited to say but i agree. So, no more taking on people that don't care what discipline it is as long as their kid gets to ride a horse- i'm too serious for that & i'm not gonna burn myself out on the thing i love for a few dollars.

i got way too much stuff this year. I'm told to appreciate it & i don't want to come across as ungrateful cuz it's not ungratefullness, i just don't know how to take such generosity - i'm waiting for the catch & looking for the strings attached. Therefore some stuff remains in the box where i opened it 4 or 5 days ago.
my family was very anti-christmas this year. my immediate family that is. it was just myself michael my parents & jessica. My parents are in the midst of a divorce so they weren't exactly saturated w/xmas spirit & jessica was reminded of how her now ex was her fiance this time last year. rough. so no tree but a few ornaments on the fake plant in the living room "for michael & mine's sake" haha like we care. & no stocking for my sis, just a bag of candy. It was an interesting christmas but probably the most honest if you ask me. No one pretending to be happy. My mom not accepting the $400 necklace my dad got her made me proud- not that i applaud meanness but she was truthful & frank. & as for mike & i, we enjoyed xmas like we would any other day off & getting each other gifts is fun. Ironic that xmas was the best for the 2 that don't actually celebrate it w/it's true meaning in mind.

eric was in town. drove to the landfill & learned a magic trick but nothing i type will sum it up quite right. Just glad i got to see him.
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007
11:52 am
if we can hurt them, well, we may as well.
it's been a long time & i think that that is a good thing. no one will have read this in quite some time - not that many ever did- but to those few, they will have given up ages ago & this will catch them as a surprise, when it does catch them, because they will be unsuspecting. & so, by the time those few realise that i have once again written in this, they will have a few to read from. maybe even a handfull which i assume if more than a few but it depends on the size i guess.

yoga wednesdays is soon to become yoga wednesday & fridays which i am pretty pleased about. now that i have seen denise do so many things & pushed myself to accomplish so any movements i thought i'd never be capable of, let alone capable of from the start, i am inspired to go further & one day do shoulder & head stands. we'll see. for now downward dolphin is tough enough.

moz got offered 70million dollars or something ridiculous like that to play 50 shows w/the smiths. the catch: johnny marr had to play as well. he turned it down. a good choice i think. as far as i know, which may be very little, the smiths ended for pretty personal reasons & i'd hate to see them pretend to be excited playing together again when it's really just for money. & so when mike asked how much i'd pay to see the smiths play again, i was completely 100% sincere in my answer that i wouldn't see them play. that time has passed & unfortunately i missed it.
Friday, November 17th, 2006
11:08 pm
it's been awhile saince i've had any of my artwork up on display for people to see. maybe a couple of years ago w/some of my charcoal pieces. when i was 13 w/some of my graphite. before that, who knows? & in the format of an art show probably never except in elementary school for some open house for the parents type thing. i think i put my pencil sketch of my sneaker & a picture of a leopard up. haha i don't know.
tonight was fun though. as little faith as i have in my work, it was nice to see it up on a wall & nice to see people looking @ it & thinking it was nice. nice.

pulling into our neighborhood i noticed & made note of all the dead leaves fallen on the ground. probably the 1st time i really noticed them. it reminded me of when i was younger. i LOVED raking leaves. best "chore" ever. i used to wish we had more trees out front so that i could rake even more leaves even more often. being in southern california, those scattered leaves are probably the only sign of autumn we've had so far this year...the weather surely doesn't hint much @ the season. anyway, i thought of raking those leaves & jumping into the pile of them & then i wondered if it ever even happened. i think i made that memory up completely. seen too many hallmark cards & cheesey commercials. it probably would've been fun though.
Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
9:14 am
i'm falling behind on my penpals. sorry guys. for as anti-social & home-ridden as i've been lately, i'm surprised i haven't found the time to write more. not only letters, but in my journal & in general. reading has consumed that time. reading & movie-watching. i really don't hang out w/anyone anymore- just mike & ryan w/the occassion davey & billy when they have time. there's no real reason i don't think. just haven't made the effort.

i've gone swimming twice this week - beach & pool. it's the only way to cope w/the 106degree weather. fucking ridiculous.

love my haircut. love danielle. love peanut chews.

"& it costs so much i know, but i guess i need to know what it would've felt like to be right. i'm getting tired all over again so hurry up & get here because i'm still waiting just like i've always been"

Current Mood: hot
Tuesday, July 18th, 2006
9:17 pm
if i broke my jaw for you
i was listening to kevin devine yesterday:
"...sleep side by side - your hand in mine. when you get here, it's so nice. it's just the part where you leave i don't like..."
i had to turn it off.
too soon.

skipped bowling tonight. i'm really motivated to create. gonna write some letters, make a tape, hopefully make some art & hang others. we'll see what i can manage before "lullaby" starts tempting me too much to resist.

Current Mood: uncomfortable
Monday, July 10th, 2006
8:55 pm
telegraph, telegram, telephone, tellin you i'll be comin home
went to the OC fair w/ryan the other day. reasonably fun, generally overpriced. i found 'juggler greg bennick' on the program though so we went & sought him out. i think the highlight of the day (& by 'day' i mean the 2hrs we actually spent @ the fair) was ryan & i sipping on lemonades while discussing bukowski prose vs. poetry & exchanging ginsberg trivia w/greg holding his unicycle. racing ryan down the giant slide was pretty awesome as well though, as was petting all the animals & the haunted house ride.
Friday, June 30th, 2006
11:07 pm
i'm getting used to my kitchen & sleeping by myself
this week has consisted of a lot of the misfits, by the grace of god, & lemon yogurt.

Current Mood: sore
Wednesday, June 14th, 2006
9:41 pm
minus the 'r'
we did everything anyone could possibly do in boston in one day. a graveyard a view a vegan pizza place a good friend an acoustic misfit set in a liing room a tour a walk a garden a family get together a train a bus a walk a coffee a laugh a bit of history a record store a sighting of an old acquaintance a lot of fun.

gotta get up @ 4am. better than the 3am of 2 days ago i guess.

Current Mood: contemplative
Tuesday, June 13th, 2006
10:52 pm
page 39
went to DC yesterday. i had no idea we'd be close enough to go. i anticipated the green, but not the pentagon. the smithsonian was amazing. as was the art museum where i explained to mike the evolution of modern art through the ages - from impressionism to cubism to the dadas to present & he taught me all about film speed versus exposure times & how to get double exposures.

we also went to the ataircase filmed in the Exorcist. the one that the priest falls down @ the end & breaks his neck on - a scene mike reenacted perfectly. we were a bit too excited about seeing the house the movie was filmed in i think, & i find it funny that a staircase & dinosaur bones @ the museum made more of an impression on us than the white house.

today we got up @ 3am. stopped in NY on our way to boston.grabbed a coffee, saw the empire state building, madison square garden, mailed off some postcards, found a photo booth & met michael cain.

boston now. i fucking love ti here so much. i was so excited. i really love my family & realised how much i missed them the minute i saw them again. it's been about a yr & 1/2. why i don't live here yet, i don't know.
Monday, June 12th, 2006
10:53 am
i'm in virginia. i've heard rumours of it being very green & humid. so far all i've seen are glimpses from the backseat of the car when we got in late last night. we're about to head out to downtown & tour the history, maybe go to some museums. we only have today,gotta catch the train tomorrow morning.
Thursday, June 8th, 2006
6:46 pm
i'm back @ mt parent's house which i feel is the best situation for me to be in @ this point in time: maybe not spacially but definately fiscally.

home again to an empty house & the tv on. how i hate that.

things are amazing right now. they really are.
Thursday, June 1st, 2006
11:34 pm
" i want to shoot myself in the nostril "

Current Mood: sleepy
Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
9:45 am
for your sake, i hope heaven & hell are really there, but i wouldn't hold my breath.
went to SF this past weekend w/ryan, billy, & jordanna. kay & her ryan drove down from seattle & met up w/us there. we arrove about an hr after them & parked a few spaces ahead. what are the chances huh?
i had so much fun & i think i'm gonna have to say that this was the best trip to SF i've been on. the last one w/dave was pretty up there as well...because dave had never been & i got to spend so much time w/eric & bryan drove up for the weekend as well....but this trip lacked any incidences w/tow trucks & arguments on the way home & i think that puts it a bit above the other.

anyway, we did everything. we shopped, went to bookstores, went to the wharf, saw the sea lions, alcatraz tours were sold out so we just looked through the telescope thing, ate french fries & drank cherry cokes @ a late night diner, stayed in the hotel as little as possible, went to the pirate supply store, went to city lights where i recognized this british guy from a bookstore we were in the day before (i caught him saying 'cheers') & i started talking to him about books, jazz & other music, the beat movement, & travelling. he goes home to england this week after 4 1/2 months of travelling to places like new zealand, australia, & fiji. we didn't even ask each other's names until an hour had passed & we were closing city lights down @ midnight. best way to have a conversation. we went to a parade on accident, saw all kinds of performers in the streets & the underground, mastered the transit system, cannery row, ghiradelli square, herbivore, met a 5yr old w/a balloon sword on the bus named eric E-R-I-C, haight, etc etc.

on the way home we stopped in pismo so ryan could get tattooed. met up w/nice mike. pismo is small but pretty.

home again now, to boxes awaiting unloading, letters that need replying & phonecalls i want to make.

Current Mood: scared
Friday, May 5th, 2006
8:59 am
craving cereal
the hot brunnette was not only way early, she also drove by twice. threw me off & got my hopes up. damn.
Thursday, May 4th, 2006
9:18 am
my life as a crossing guard
overall i'm liking it. escpecially now that i'm a regular. the corner that ive been designated in charge of, isn't as great as the one i subbed for, but it has it's good points. like working w/another person.

i'm noticing that i recognize the cars now...& i use them to judge tentatively how much longer until my shift is through. it came in handy today when i didn't have my cellphone's clock w/me. when the delivery truck w/the loud spanish music makes its right hand turn, i have about 20min left. when the nice hispanic man w/the baby face crosses on his bicycle, i have about 10min left. when the 2 hot blondes go racing down los alisos, 5 min. & when the hot brunnette waits to make her left hand turn w/thursday or some other emo core blaring & her hand hanging out the window w/its cigarrette, i'm as good as done.

i'm also getting to know the kids. luke is a smart ass but i like him. he's always making conversation & seems to be real concerned as to when i'm working again & making sure that i am, indeed, going to be back the next day. & the little girl w/the brown hair is definately my buddy now. she's awesome. sue said she's real quiet & shy, i haven't noticed.

today went by quickly. probably because i was having fun making the kids pass messages to sue on the other corner. i'd tell them something to tell her. or give them a question to have her answer using a thumbs up or down from the other side of the street.

haha, i'm so lame aren't i???
7:43 am
i used to hate this city
i'm getting sick, i think, but i've been taking loads of vitamins so hopefully my body is fighting it off. it seems to have plateaued in seriousness. not sleeping well, or sleeping well, but for short amounts of time, probably isn't helping, but i've been having so much fun w/everyone lately.

my latte this morning is kinda shit & the seame seed bagel that came along w/it was brown & hard. disappointing to have spent $5 on something so dissatisfying when gas is @ $3.42gal.

anyway, this entry seems pretty pointless. i just had to kill some time while the flat iron heated up.
looking forward to my birthday on sunday. not because it's my birthday, but because there's a small group of us going to the queen mary & taking all the tours. i've wanted to do that forever. i hope they still have the marilyn monroe room. kinda doubt it though but there's still always the haunted tour. yessss.

open mic tonight anyone???
......if only my davey were here, he'd go w/me.

Current Mood: tired
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